R2 VLCD Day #16 - Meeeeaaaat....Give Me Meeeeeaaattt!!!

Hi again! Please excuse the blah-ness of my last post... all day yesterday I was soooo exhausted and I couldn't figure out why! I thought maybe I just tossed and turned all night, that maybe one of our dogs crept up onto the bed and was licking my toes. Or S. Who knows. 

So I went home and flung myself around and whined to S and he snuggled me even though he had lots of other things to do because he is amazing. AMAZING I TELL YOU!

Around 8 I thought "I should probably eat something" so I went to the fridge. I opened it up and looked around at my options and thought "Hmmmm... about 100 grams of meat sounds JUST right." Crazy, I know. I musta got a wild hair up my arse or something. So I reached for my delightfully pre-weighed chicken... and hesitated. There was 100g of ground beef just behind that. Did I want THAT instead? Suddenly that sounded JUST like what I needed. I salivated even!

So I cooked that beef up and ate it and you know what? I instantly (where "instantly" means "10 to 20 minutes") felt better. I was anemic! I needed iron! I generally eat beef for one meal a day on this programme of carniverous activity, and I hadn't for maybe 5 days.

ALSO, S discovered that the #1 thing that stops the absorption of iron??!?!? Green tea!!! Um, h-ELL-o! #1 Drinker of the tea of green here! I have 4 cups a day! So I MUST eat red meat, because I am not absorbing iron from my other foods since I inhale green tea like a woman possessed. 

I'm pretty tired again today, but my run was much easier. And I have more ground beef for lunch, so I think I just need to re-stock my reserves. Here we go! Wheeee!

I lost another pound today, wooohooo!!! This piques my curiosity... perhaps the running really DOES excellerate my weight loss. Over the weekend I lost erratically, but the day after I run again, there goes another pound. I guess we shall see as the week progresses...

Yesterday's exercise:

Ran 3 miles outside

Yesterday on my plate was:

1/2 grapefruit with Splenda

100g chicken

1 small apple

Chunk of cucumber

100g of ground beef

Weight tracking:

-1lb today

-6.5lbs this round

-17lbs overall

Turning Sherlock Super-Sleuth,

M

R2 VLCD Day #15 - Roller Coaster... Of Looooove

I am pretty tired, so I'll give you a bare bones update on the weight-loss related topics from the weekend!

Saturday I weighed and I had lost nothing. WTF. Alright I was actually ok with it because I had lost a lot the last week and my body was probably just catching up.

Sunday I weighed and had lost 1.5lbs. Wooohooo!!!

BUT

Today I weighed and I had gained .5lb. Boooo.

The only thing I did differently yesterday was eat my chicken and vegetable right before bed (I forgot to eat dinner and then made myself right before I went to sleep), and I had some salsa with it. I think the salsa makes me retain water. There are no hidden illegal ingredients in it (all natural, P2 legal foods) but it's pretty salty. Damn, it's delicious.

Well anyhoo we'll see how tomorrow's weigh in goes.

Yesterday's exercise:

Hiked a mountain with S

Rode horses with H

Yesterday on my plate was:

1/2 grapefruit with Splenda

100g tilapia

1 small apple

100g chicken with salsa

Chunk of cucumber with salsa <-- Really good!

Weight tracking:

+.5lb today

-5.5lbs this round

-16lbs overall

Sleepily,

M

R2 VLCD Day #12 - Second Verse, Same As The First!

Wooooohooo another pound down today! I wonder how long I can keep THIS up! Hopefully for a while :]

I think it's due to my (insanity) running in the morning. Actually, I'm pretty SURE it's due to my running in the morning. I don't run on the weekends so we'll see how my losses vary Saturday and Sunday, and see if it changes next week when I start up again!

Also I have not been eating any cocoa powder, Walden Farms products, nor anywhere NEAR as much Splenda as last round. Those are probably factors as well. So my diet is not as creative and diverse, but my losses are better (so far). So...

A) Two more weeks of way boring menu... awesome losses

or

B) Two more weeks of pretty boring menu... not as good losses

I think I can handle the WAY boring menu. It's only two weeks. It's only two weeks. 

At work I invented this thing called "Snack Friday". 20 of us participate, and basically the gist is that each Friday someone brings in snacks for the 20 of us. It rotates so you only have to make snacks one out of every 20 Fridays, but you GET snacks EVERY Friday. It's pretty brilliant, if I do say so myself... if you're not trying to lose weight. People have come and gone as they diet, but I can't because I run the damn thing! SO I just deal with my torture, one Friday at a time. Makes me strong, right?

So last night was MY snack day, and I made Tiger Butter. It's delicious... white chocolate and peanut butter melted together, then spread out about 1/4" thick on a lipped pan. Then on top of that is melted milk chocolate, and you swirl a knife through it so it's stripey and pretty, and then you chill it until it's hard. 

It's currently sitting within arm's reach, but I am being SOOO good! I have to admit, I had a tiny crumb that fell off of one of the pieces (like the size of a ladybug) but I think that's O.K. :] I don't think I've ever made a batch of sweets without having some. This is weird. I felt a little deprived, but then I looked down at my glorious flat tummy and reveled in my strength. 

We had people over last night and I didn't even have WINE! It hasn't affected my weight loss yet in and of itself, but I am doing so well after my deviation that I just don't want to risk it! I feel like I have been given a second chance, so I'm going to take full advantage. 

Yesterday's exercise:

Ran 3 miles outside

Yesterday on my plate was:

1/2 grapefruit with Splenda

100g beef with onions

100g chicken

1 small apple

Weight tracking:

-1lb today

-4.5lbs this round

-15lbs overall

15 POUNDS! 15 POUNDS!,

M

R2 VLCD Day #11 - Bagel, Anyone?

...not for me of course. But one of our vendors had Einstein Bro's catered in today for our enjoyment(dismay).

Actually, I don't feel bad at all about not having one. I think my deviation has put me on the straight and narrow. I'm not even tempted! I AM however, having half of a cup of coffee, with Splenda and a splash of Half and Half, although I'm even a little hesitant about that. I actually think I need a little boost - my run this morning was PRETTY HARD. Running 3 miles on a 500 calorie diet is NOTHING like running 3 miles on a 1700 calorie diet. NOTHING. And now I feel pretty run down. I was going to have an extra apple but I think the half and half will do. I will still have the apple if I still feel sluggish later. No need to hurt myself. 

I'm going to venture to say that most people don't run 3 miles a day on this beast of a "protocol". But again, I could be wrong! Maybe everyone is running FIVE miles and I'm slackin'! But I doubt it. 

The stabbing today went marginally better. I still had to sit my arse down and wind up a few times... finally what got me to do it was I told myself that afterwards I would go try on the red dress that I got, that I could see a tiiiiny hint of my tummy pooch in when I first tried it on. So I stabbed away (gulp), and tried on that dress, and you know what? I think I need an XS in that one too. That's 3 that I need to send back now. The red one fits PERFECTLY now, and the other two are a bit too big. So in another 2 weeks when I'm done, they're going to be really big. 

I hate exchanging catalogue-ordered things, it's a pain in the butt. But necessary. The good thing about VSC exchange is that if you call before you exchange them, they will just go ahead and send you the new ones right then (and charge you again of course) and then credit your card when they receive the ones you sent back. I like this because I am IMPATIENT. NOW! NOW! NOW! And I've never had a problem with getting $ back from them. I love VSC clothes *swoon* they are great quality, extremely comfortable, and fit really well. I have clothes I bought from them in high school that have not lost their shape, color, and I still love. 

So my friend H started the programme of hopes and dreams! She had just transitioned into really being healthy, working out, and not eating like crap. So this is kind of a "boost" for her. Her load days were the days that I was deviating like an asshole. She seems happy with it so far, she's making awesome progress :D

Oh and just a teeeeny "by the way"... I AM OFFICIALLY IN THE 120s today! Wooooooooh!! 129. Yeah baby, lost another pound! I can't WAIT until I see 125! And then 120! Which is my goal for this round. Happy! AAAAND... one more pound and I will have lost 15lbs (net) with hCG! Celebrate! Celebrate! Dance to the musiiiiiic!

But you know what the BEST part of today is?!!? S comes home!!!! :D :D :D <3333948273472

Yesterday's exercise:

Ran 3 miles outside

Yesterday on my plate was:

1/2 grapefruit with Splenda

100g chicken

Chunk of cucumber

100g beef with onions

1 small apple

Weight tracking:

-1lb today

-3.5lbs this round

-14lbs overall

happy HAPPY happy,

M

Ps. I'm totally hopping on the "respond to comments in the next post" train. Good idea guys :]

applebottomblues - In your thigh?? Really? Why the switch? S didn't hesitate either. Our big strong manly men :]

Biz - You poor thing! But now you're a friggin' zen masta' at this whole protocol thing! Seriously, I bow down to your knowledge and experience.

betweenagirlandherfood - You can totally do it. Do like 1 lap around your block and call it quits. The trick is to start REALLY slow so that you ENJOY it, instead of pushing really hard in the beginning and hating it, until you stop! I believe in you! Listen to your dreams girl, they're talkin' to you!

R2 VLCD Day #10 - Sweet Sweet Masochism

s is out of town

S Is Out Of Town

S IS OUT OF TOWN!!!

What does that mean to me besides crying myself to sleep in a cold, empty bed (well, not entirely true - I let our dachshund sleep with me last night SSHHH DON'T TELL), piping up to tell him about something cool only to find he's not there, and feeling like half of me is missing? It means that...

I HAVE TO STAB MYSELF.

I will now repeat that for dramatic emphasis.

I HAVE TO STAB MYSELF. 

I know you brave souls that do this daily are out there, and are possibly even reading this blog. But I AM NOT ONE OF YOU. I can stab my friend H (who started the protocol btw - I'll get to that later). I could stab S. Never had to, but I could. I can stab anyone else, all day long! Stab! Stabbity Stab Stab Stab! But me? Stab MYSELF? Are you KIDDING?!

So there I was.... 6am and up for my morning run, standing naked in the kitchen. 

Vial sterilized? Check. 

Needle filled? Check. 

Tummy sterilized? Check. 

Holding the syringe half an inch from my skin. I thought "Hey! No problem! I can totally do this." and I tried. Where "tried" means my brain said "Ok, one... two... three... GO!" about 50 times while my hand was off in la la land listening to some Pearl Jam and completely disregarding the message. 

At this point I felt my legs get a leeeetle wobbly and my fingers shake a bit. This was not working. So I sat down on a kitchen chair and regrouped. I think I have to do this sitting down. Well when I sat down, Einstein our 5 month old maltese puppy of course put his front paws up on my knee, and Tango our dachshund sat there and stared at me. Now I had an AUDIENCE! Wheee this keeps getting better! So cold puppy paws and all (I think they gave me support) I closed my eyes, wound up, and stabbed. 

Needle in skin? Check.

Push in the liquid miracles? Check.

The whole ordeal seriously took me about 12 minutes (not like I checked or anything... *shifty eyes*) but in the end I DID IT! Wooooooo go M! 

I'm sure it gets better each time you do it but I sure am glad that tomorrow is the last morning that I am going to have to impale my own body. Believe you me. 

Ok so now that I am done being all dramatic (it's in my nature, what can I say?), I lost another pound today. Wooooo I am back to where I was on Friday before my weekend of devil worshipping and greed. 

So that means that if all goes well, tomorrow (TOMORROW!) I SHOULD be in the 120's! 130 is sort of a "set point" for my body. A few years ago I went from the low 120's to 130 and I wouldn't budge much below that point. 

BE GONE, 130! FOREVER!

Yesterday's exercise:

Ran 3 miles outside

Yesterday on my plate was:

1/2 grapefruit with Splenda

100g beef with onions

1 small apple

100g chicken

Weight tracking:

-1lb today

-2.5lbs this round

-13lbs overall

Lonely, Oh So Lonely,

M

R2 VLCD Day #9 - Reaping the Consequences?

I'm not feeling very eloquent today so I'm going to cut right to the chase. I lost 2.5lbs today. Not that it was all lost in a "fat" sort of manner... I took some smooth move yesterday to rid myself of all the nasty food that was sitting in my intestines. Although I didn't have much of a "move". But also, some of the weight gained from my deviation was obviously not all fat either, but food sitting inside of me (I didn't have a BM all weekend) so I feel pretty even. So I am 1lb over what I was when I went to Strawberry for the weekend.

IF I had not deviated, I'll bet I would be at 127 right now but noooo. Instead I sit here at 131. But I can "I'll bet" all I want. I need to just LET IT GO.

S went to Milwaukee this morning, so I am without a husband for a few days. Sadness :[

Tomorrow, I will be back to my regular bloggy self. I assure you.

OH! I almost forgot to tell you. When I got back from Strawberry my dresses were indeed here! And almost to mock what I did over the weekend... they fit perfectly. One was even a tiny bit big. I don't know whether to send it back and get an XS or just live with it. Hmmmm. I will post photos just for you BIZ! :D

Yesterday's exercise:

nothing

Yesterday on my plate was:

1/2 grapefruit with Splenda

100g chicken 

100g beef with onions (extra onions b/c I didn't have a veggie during the day)

small apple

Weight tracking

-2.5lb today

-1.5lbs this round

-12lbs overall

Your Friendly Sourpuss,

M

R2 VLCD Day #8 - SHAME! OH THE SHAME!

Yes, yes, this is exactly what you expect. I went back and forth all morning deciding whether I was going to post or not, and I decided that I would not benefit AT ALL by crawling into my little hole and hiding my sins from all of you. Especially you, Biz. I feel the need to be held accountable for my actions... via internet blogging. 

... and the scale.

So this past weekend we went to Strawberry again, as planned. Remember last time, how I was so good and resisted everything and just ate my chicken and apple and was SO worried because I ate AN EXTRA APPLE to help my blood sugar level late at night?

Well that happened again, without the being good part. Or the extra apple part. And add in a burrito and cheesecake and peanuts and pretzel crisps and steak and grapefruits and wine. Lots of wine. Over a period of a day and a half. 

So Friday on our way to Strawberry, about halfway through the day I was having "oh just a bite" here and there, which I have NEVER done before. A cashew or two. A bite of H's ice cream. A sip of S's shake. Then later in the night after a few glasses of wine (which doesn't inhibit my weight loss - but DOES inhibit my BRAIN) I totally cracked. Threw all caution to the wind. 

All of Saturday I ate whatever.

Sunday I finally put myself in check and said NO MORE! So I was good all of Sunday, and today has been 100% clean as well. 

I don't know WHAT I was thinking! Actually, I do. I was weak minded. I thought that enjoying delicious foods with my husband and friends would be worth the major cheat that I was committing. Erasing the weight loss I have achieved on this round so far? No problem! No big deal! Right?

WHAT?! No! NO! NOOOOOOOO!

I gained 3.5lbs. It is a sad sad day in M land. But more than sad about the weight gain, (I feel that I deserve 3.5lbs at LEAST), I am sad at myself for being so weak. 

One of the worst parts? I was down another 2lbs on Friday! Putting my net loss this round at 2.5lbs (since we know I don't count load weight) and my net loss for hCG at 13lbs. I was at 130 on Friday, and was looking forward to coming back from the weekend in the 120's and having another naked-on-the-scale-celebratory dance. 

UGH! UGH UGH UGH!

So I'm not up above my load weight, but I'm .5lb above my LIW for last round, and 1lb above my pre-load weight this round. 

I certainly learned my lesson though. It is NOT worth it. AT ALL. When I woke up on Sunday morning I immediately felt so guilty. I knew that I would be feeling completely different had I stayed strong all weekend. I would be looking forward to stepping on the scale on Monday to see what my hard work earned me. But instead I just had a gut full of half-digested cheat food that I no longer appreciated and angry masses (thats you guys) to report to today. 

*shame*

Please don't throw the rocks too hard, I learned my lesson I promise :[

Chain Chain Chaaaaiiinnn... Chain of Fooools,

M

R2 VLCD Day #4 - Impatient

Half pound down! Again - not SUPER excited because I have .5 more until I match the lowest I've been since I started all this... this... business. But I'll take it! It's a loss!

I'm getting a little anxious about the second round curse. I guess I just have to wait and see in a few days if everything goes well. It's alllll just a wait and see :]

My run this morning went a little better than yesterday's. Rolling out of bed was a chore though. It's nice to roll back over... and close your eyes for a moment... and imagine... that you are just going to keep on sleeeeeeepinggg...... *snaps out of it.* I still got winded easily but I was able to run longer distances without stopping. Normally I can run the whole thing without stopping. Yesterday I needed several breaks. 

My dresses are supposed to arrive tomorrow! That is SUPER fast for Victoria's Secret. They tell you 2 weeks delivery time and generally it takes that long. But I am in luck! It probably has something to do with the fact that this time the supplier was in California. And I in Phoenix. I just hope it comes by 11am tomorrow because that's wheeeeen...

*drumroll*

...we are going to Strawberry! Remember when we went before for a friend's 30th birthday? Well we liked the cabin/house so much that we are renting it this weekend for S and I and another couple to go relax in. I am somewhat disappointed that I cannot partake in all the delicious food/beverages (besides some wine perhaps) that will be there, but alas, I am losing weight. And that is a million times better! Right? RIGHT?!

Not that I am going to wear the dresses in Strawberry anyways, seeing as it will probably be pretty chilly (um, HELLO?! 9" of snow last time!!). But I'm excited! :D Maybe I'll even post a photo or two IF I'M FEELING REALLY CRAZY.

I officially need my rings sized down. They REALLY spin on my fingers now and am afraid of losing them. I want to wait until the end of this round to get them sized because I haven't even hardly BEGUN yet, but they are at risk of flying off my fingers as I swing my arms. I will walk in fists. 

Yesterday's exercise:

Ran 3 miles outside

Yesterday on my plate was:

1/2 grapefruit with Splenda

100g of beef with onions

Chunk of cucumber

small apple

100g chicken with onions

Weight tracking: 

-.5lb today

-.5lbs this round

-11lbs overall

WHY CAN'T MY DRESSES JUST COME TODAY??,

M

R2 VLCD Day #3 - All Bettah!

Today I got back down to my LIW. Huzzah! Now I can actually start LOSING weight. Although the cynic in my head is saying that I have one more pound to go until I am at my lowest since starting HCG. I was generally under my LIW on P3.

SO yeah! I feel pretty great. S and I went running this morning... we had skipped Monday and Tuesday on account of getting to bed at 3:30am after the show Sunday night! Monday wasn't happening, and Tuesday when we woke up S was like "how ya feelin" and I'm all "zomg zzzzzz" and he's all "kthxbai zzzzzz"

It's amazing how much better I feel after a morning run. I really love it. HOWEVER, it was quite a bit harder, this being the first day I've ran on my 500 calorie diet. I could DO it, it was just significantly more difficult. I feel great now though, so I don't think I am doing any harm by running on the diet. If I start to feel weak I will just eat a bit more, until I don't. I am not sacrificing my running this time. 

I am really excited about the outcome of this round. I hear that R2 is like hiking to Hell and back for a lot of people, but I'm trying to be optimistic. Perhaps I'm getting what I want to happen confused with being optimistic about what I think is really going to happen, but whatever. I have a good mindset! I did so well during P3 that I am confident that I will be able to keep all of this weight off for good. I was literally flying high on P3! No problems even though I INDULGED!

It's definitely all the running. Which I am more than willing to do. So if that's how I have to live the rest of my life in order to be thin and enjoy carbs and sugar, I'll take it!

It's definitely harder to resist things, this P2. I'm not hungry, and I'm not craving, but since I was able to eat things like cake on P3 and not gain, I see those things now and I'm like WANT! And I think I'm justified. But I'm not ON P3 anymore. It's a mental hump that I'll just have to get over. 

Like yesterday, someone brought in green rice crispy treats and a cake of the flag of Ireland. 

And TODAY, the SAME person brought in these AMAZING cookies called TimTams from Australia. I LOVE them and you CAN'T get them here. So the fact that there is 1 box, and that 1 box is NOT going to have TimTams left in them by the time I'm off the shots, makes me want some because they will be gone!

But it's ok, cause I'M LOSING (winning? :]) AND THEY'RE NOT! Neener :]

Yesterday's exercise:

Nothing

Yesterday on my plate was:

1/2 a grapefruit with Splenda

100g of chicken with onions

100g of beef with onions

 small apple

Weight tracking:

-1.5lbs today

-0lbs this round

-10.5lbs overall

Chuggin' Along,

M

R2 VLCD Day #2 - Playing Catch-Up

Happy St. Patricks Day everyone!!! I may be like 90% Irish but I shamefully forgot to wear green AT ALL today. I mean not even a lick. My solution? I made a bracelet out of an old Christmas garland decoration that was never taken down, near my cube. 'Cause I'm resourceful like that. It's actually quite cute in a 4-year old at a crafty birthday party sort of way. And now there is a photo. 

I think subconsciously I didn't wear green because I know I cannot properly participate in St Paddy's day this year. No green beer for me! What was I thinking?! I should have started a week later. Bah humbug (appropriate because of the above Christmas reference). 

I lost 2.5 lbs today... not a huge whooptie-do to me because I am still 1.5lbs above my pre-load weight. NO, I DO NOT COUNT MY LOAD WEIGHT IN MY TOTAL LOSS. C'mon people, ALL that does is make you feel like you've lost more weight than you really have. Yes, this programme works, but there is no need to make people think it works better than it actually does. No one starts a "diet" saying "Ok, I want to lose 10lbs. But first I need to gain 4, so I really need to lose 14lbs". So to ME, the weight loss doesn't really start until I am back down to the weight I was before I stuffed my face with as much fat as I possibly could for two days. You wouldn't purposely gain 4lbs and then lose the 4lbs a few days later and go around telling people "HEY I LOST 4 LBS!!" That's just silly. And no one cares as much as you, so it's just deceiving to yourself! I know that "but but but Dr. Simeons SAYS we are to count that in our weight loss!" Oh you wanna know WHY?? Because he wants it to look like you've lost as much weight as possible so others will want to do it, and you'll want to do it again! What other valid reason is there? None! Sure, he was a good doctor and cares about people and wants them to get healthy, but he also was selling his services and method, ok? I think we forget this. And there really is no need for the exaggeration, because this plan really DOES WORK. 

*gets off her soapbox* So yes! Hopefully tomorrow I will be back to or below my pre-load weight, so we can get this show on the road :]

Speaking of loading... I must have done something right this time because I do not feel hungry at all! Do you remember my first few days, my first time around? I was FAMISHED. Quote time! This was from my VLCD #3:

"Now I feel fine. But MAN I needed that apple. Even my delicious Jasmine Green Tea was making me feel nauseous. Hey! WHEN is that "I'M ONLY EATING ENOUGH FOR A 3 YEAR OLD OR A RUNWAY MODEL BUT SOMEHOW I'M MAGICALLY NOT HUNGRY" thing kick in!? huh?! HUH?!"

So hooray for me. N stuff. N stuff nstuff nstuff.

Yesterday's exercise:

Walked the puppies with S, about a mile

Yesterday on my plate was:

1/2 a grapefruit with Splenda

100g of chicken

100g of chicken with onions

1 small apple 

Weight tracking:

-2.5lbs today

+1.5lbs this round

-9lbs overall

Ready to Start LOSIN!,

M

R2 VLCD Day #1 - On the Road Again...

Load weekend: complete! In fact, I even loaded 2.5 days!! S and I got home from work on Friday, all prepared to have a quiet evening in, and he wanted pizza. This is not a common occurrence, S wanting unhealthy food. I thought it sounded FAB but I wasn't to start loading until Saturday! S being ever so resourceful, was just like "Well why don't you just take a shot and start now?" 

GREAT idea. Brilliant even! Who says you can't take it in the afternoon! So I started a bit early, and nommed down a whole entire medium cheese pizza with loads of ranch dressing. I mean like a LOT of ranch dressing. The pizza was literally a vehicle FOR the dressing. I think I got my fat in.

Saturday and sunday were not nearly as indulgent, but I still had plenty of delicious and coma-inducing foods, that really, I don't miss all that much. I actually like eating healthy most of the time, and occasionally indulging, much more than "loading". I don't NEED something fatty and unhealthy at every meal. In fact on Saturday... I even ate an apple. But that chocolate milkshake from In N Out SURE WAS GOOD.

So I gained a whopping 4lbs on my load days. This time I don't feel nearly as full up to the brim, but I sure have retained a lot of water. My fingers are all sausage-like and my rings all tight. Icky. 

I'm super excited to be back on the weight loss train! I'm not hungry this morning, and I feel pretty good. Exhausted, but good. But that was from the show we saw in Tucson last night....we didn't get back till 3am so ahhhh, needless to say, waking up at 8 was rather hard. And so is sitting at this desk. Awake. 

I'm tired so I'm going to cut this short. Maybe after I mainline some green tea I'll be up for a better entry :]

Yesterday's exercise:

Danced my arse off for 3.5 hours

Yesterday on my plate was: 

Load food. 

Including Indian and banana pancakes

Weight tracking:

+4lb today (or for the weekend rather)

+4lbs this round

-6.5lbs overall (that looks scarily small because of the load! Aaah! My eyes!!!)

Zzzzz,

M

P3 Day #16.5: NEWCLOTHESNEWCLOTHESNEWCLOTHES

Woooohoooo I just ordered some new dresses from Victoria's Secret. They are having an AWESOME sale on EVERYTHING so if you need (or want) stuff, go do some online shoppin' :].

I have decided that I want to live my life in dresses and skirts. I just feel so much cuter in them. And I know S likes it ;]

So here is what I got (in these colors). ALL in size SMALL because that is my size now! Woooohoo!

and the back to that one...

Can't Wait for the Mail to Come,

M

P3 Day #16: 100 Lashes With A Wet Noodle

Blah blah blah my life rocks... blah blah blah this is so easy... blah blah blah I ate chocolate cake yesterday and lost a half pound because of it...

Don't worry, my dear readers. On Monday, I will stop blowing sunshine up your arses. On Monday, I will be on my first day of my VLCD and I can go back to being miserable. But BEFORE that, I get to load for two days this weekend! Neener neener neeeeener!!!

Actually I'm not all that excited, I'm just being mean and taunting you. I mean it will be nice to have some of those things I guess, but I just feel so GOOD and HEALTHY right now that eating that way means I may feel a little shitty. Oh well, I'm going to run Sunday morning so I won't feel THAT bad. 

And THEN I will be losing weight again! Wooohooo! I am hoping to lose 12 pounds. Then I will be down to my "goal". My REAL goal was really 5lbs below that, but in 3 weeks I don't know how likely that is. And really, that was just a number. A number in my head. That means nothing now that I am more muscular than I was back when I weighed that. We shall see.

All in all, this HCG thing has changed my life. Not just doing it and losing some weight, but also the life changes I have made because of it. 

Working out in the morning is one of the best things I have ever done for myself. 

Running to the gym and back is amazing. 

Food no longer has control over my thoughts. 

When I taste things I used to LOVE (bagel, semi-sweet chocolate chips) I find that they really AREN'T as good as I thought they were, I was just addicted to sugar. And now I am able to make that distinction and put them down after a bite.

I now know that I really DO need to eat 1400-1800 calories per day, and I won't gain weight because of it. This is a big one, because as someone with a past eating disorder, that is a VERY hard thing to let go of, even when healed. 

I can allow myself to eat things that I really DO like, such as cake and Thai food with rice, and not feel guilty or gain weight, because I eat healthily 95% of the time. 

I don't feel deprived of anything, and I have never felt so physically and mentally good in my life. 

I still have some weight to lose. I am still not completely content with how I look, but I am getting there, and making progress. I am much happier with myself now than I was 3 months ago. I want to, and KNOW I WILL, get to the point where I am content with myself, and then maintain successfully. 

I'M ON MY WAY!!!

Yesterday's exercise:

Ran 3 miles outside

Yesterday on my plate was:

Peanut butter - 90

1 deviled egg - 70

A few bites of bagel with cream cheese - 50

Piece of chocolate cake - 400

2 deviled eggs - 140

Malt ball from Sprouts - 20

Cashews - 160

Apple - 80

2 deviled eggs - 140

Cashews - 140

Pork rinds w/ sour cream - 300

2 glasses of Pinot noir - 150

Total Calories - 1840

Weight tracking:

-.5lb today

-11lbs overall

-1lb under LIW

<3456789,

M

P3 Day #15: Second Verse, Same As The First

I really don't have anything noteworthy to say about yesterday! Since I was .5 above me LIW (I know, not a problem, but still I'm much comfortable below rather than above) I was really good. I still ate about 1600 calories but they were all good things. Besides the lemonade :]

Well it paid off because I lost a pound, putting me .5lbs below my LIW. Wooooo! This is all too easy. Ridiculously easy even. LAUGHABLY easy. Has it always been this easy and I was just naive? Probably. Perhaps the fact that I have been avoiding scales for the past 6 years of my life because that was the trigger that made me stop eating completely, contributed to that. But I feel that I have gotten over the daily fluctuations, at least enough to prevent myself from obsessing over the numbers or weighing myself 10x per day. Oh and I enjoy eating food too. That helps. Yay health!

Did I tell you that S and I have been running outside in the mornings? We have this master plan... our gym (our brand shiny new gym that is) is 1.5 miles away. So we get up early, run 1.5 miles to the gym. Work out (consisting of heavy weights) and then run the 1.5 miles back. Pretty good work out huh?? 

So far I have just been running there and back. S stays and does the weights. Since I start my next P2 in 3 days where I am a bit too fatigued to do any sort of good with weights, I'm liking my just running routine for now. When I transition into my next P3 I will add the weights part back in. I really love working out with weights and miss it, but this is what I have decided to do.

Running outside, is decidedly harder than running inside. Running never made me sore on the treadmill, but I am definitely feeling it now! Which means better workout. Oh yeeaaaahhhh :]

Did I mention that I just ate a piece of chocolate cake? Wait where did that come from!? Hahah but really. I don't feel bad about it. The best time to eat sugar is in the mornings. It's 9:30! You use it as energy instead of storing it that way.

My justification is that I planned on having a bagel this morning. After my run, I just had a spoonful of peanut butter and a deviled egg, to tide me over until I got to work. The reason being, is that we had an early meeting this morning, and they give us Einstein Bro's bagels. I planned on eating a bagel. By the time I got to work, I reduced that to half of a bagel. When I got my half of a bagel and actually had a bite, I had a revelation. It wasn't that good. I didn't want it! I had about 3 little bites and tossed it. I was so proud. So instead, I allowed myself to have a small piece of cake, of which I ate the frosting and surrounding parts (that's my favorite part) and tossed the rest. And I don't feel bad in the least because I had an awesome workout and totally denied the bagel I was going to eat. THIS is how you're supposed to live, people! In moderation, but not denying yourself completely! I can totally do this!

I feel so empowered!

Yesterday's exercise:

Ran 3 miles outside

Yesterday on my plate was:

Scrambled eggs with steak bits, cheese, butter, onion, salsa and deliciousness - 510

Small apple - 65

Caesar salad from Port of Subs - 540

Peanut butter - 180

Grilled chicken - 120

Home made lemonade - 100

Cocoa and Splenda and heavy cream all mixed together - 100

Total calories - 1615

Weight tracking:

-1lb today

-10.5 change overall

-.5lb under LIW

<3,

M

P3 Day #14: Aaaand She's Back!

I'd like to insincerely apologize for my hiatus over the weekend. Apologize because part of me hopes that SOMEONE reads this enough that they actually missed me, and insincerely because I'm not really all that sorry. I was really busy this weekend and blogging is not exactly on the top of my list when I am otherwise occupied by FUN. What of it??!! WHAT?!

So my best friend from high school, K, was in town over the weekend! She came on Thursday night and stayed until Sunday afternoon. Over that period of time (besides doing really fun things) I... drank loads of wine, vodka diet cokes, beer, salty cashews, a few handfuls of Cheese-Its, some white cheddar popcorn, margaritas, more wine, and ate mexican food twice (yes, tortillas, rice, beans, etc)... and I am still only .5lbs above my LIW. How. HOW!?!?! HOOOOOWWW?!!? I mean, I like it and all, it just seems... magical? I guess it is probably my running that is helping me out. I mean, to give myself a bit of credit, I didn't go hog-wild or anything, I made pretty good choices considering (i.e. vodka diet cokes instead of long islands, cashews instead of chips, only half of my MASSIVE burrito at the mexican place - but two margaritas so I guess that cancels that out...). And yesterday I ate Thai food (yellow curry with some *gasp* white rice) and two little chocolate truffles (remember the ones I was given for Valentines day by one of our execs? There were 4 in the lil' box, and I cut each in half to be sure they were flavors I liked - two of them weren't, so I tossed them :D), and lost .5lbs today! I feel blessed. 

Oh gods of weight maintenance, I thank you for your mercy. I cannot say I shall never do it again because really I didn't do too bad. I just ate worse than I thought I could and still I am ok. PRAISE THE HEAVENS!

Also, during the week I am being really strict. I am sure that contributes to my success as well. I'm totally diggin' this P3 thing. Maintaining seems to be easy for me, if I monitor my weight. And everyone says it's the hardest part. Ppssshhhh.

Well, this Saturday is my first load day of the second half of my P2. I'm glad I took this break. I can't tell you how my weight loss is going to be on P2, but I'll bet it will be better than had I continued on one long round rather than having the break! I am excited to lose a bit more weight. I want to fit into those old pants I have hanging in my closet. Wanna know a secret? I never wore them. I got them in college, when I didn't really wear nice black pinstriped pants. Then after a while, I fatted out of them. Why yes, yes I did just make up a new verb. There are also some skirts in there that I can almost wear and be decent again - haha :] I'll fit into those for sure :]

So load days on Saturday and Sunday coming up - I'm not going to go too crazy, but have a few things that I love *coughindianfoodcough*, to prepare for another 3 weeks of 500 calories a day. 

Yesterday's exercise:

Ran 3 miles, outside, to the gym and back. Note: running outside is decidedly harder than running on a treadmill.

Walked ~1mi with S and the puppies

Yesterday on my plate was:

Small apple - 65

1/2 grapefruit + Splenda - 45

Chicken sausage - 160

2 truffles - 150

1.2 grapefruit + Splenda - 45

Chicken Sausage - 160

Some Peanut Butter - 90

Pork rinds + sour cream - 200

Yellow curry with rice - 800

Total Calories - 1715

Weight tracking:

0lbs today

-9.5 change overall

+.5 over LIW

LOVELOVE,

M

P3 Day #8: House-Guests

I declare this weekend, the weekend of house-guests. (spell check is telling me to hyphenate that... really?) Not only did Aunt Flo arrive yesterday with a vengeance, but my childhood best friend, K, is arriving tonight from Kansas! Which is my home state! Yee-haw. Just kidding, I lived in the suburbs. No haw-ing here.

I'm determined to be good though! Aside from wine, which hasn't seemed to affect me yet. I had a glass and a half last night and no gain today, Even WITH Aunt Flo barging in on me. Wooohooo! Perhaps I'll "cheat" a little when we go get some Mexican food, but if all goes well I'll just get some carne asada and sour cream and continue on my jolly P3 way. 

So today is MY Friday! I even woke up early and went to the gym early so I could get to work early so I could leave early! *takes a deep breath* Even though I was up until like 2am... I could NOT sleep. I was just not tired in the least! I think it was that I didn't go to the gym yesterday morning. I didn't think I'd have a hard time sleeping! But now I'm re-gymnitized, even though I didn't get much sleep, and I still feel pretty good :] 

Oh gym, how I love you in the morning. 

So in my twisted "milk it for all it's worth" brain... I'm thinkin' that since Aunt Flo is here, I HAVE to have retained some water... and I'm still a half of a pound up from where I was before the weekend of fury... maybe after she takes a hike I'll be back down to -11.5! I KNOW I should be happy with 1lb under LIW, but what can I say. I'm greedy. I tasted -1.5 before and now I want it again! BWA HA HA HAH AAAA

Anyhoo, I'm going to happy hour at this place with killer bruschetta but I will only be partaking in 2 glasses of wine. Tops. So take THAT delicious bread and olive oil and pomodoro tomatoes and basil. Take that.

Yesterday's exercise:

None, giving my strained calf a rest

Yesterday on my plate was:

2 deviled eggs - 100

1 small apple - 65

Chunk of cucumber + spray dressing - 20

Grilled Chicken Caesar salad from Port of Subs - 540

Coco crack - 194

1 large strawberry - 6

Bratwurst salad (brat, romaine, shredded parmesan, onion and goddess dressing) - 400

Pinot noir - 200

Total calories: 1525

Weight tracking:

-0lbs today

-11lb change overall

-1lb  under LIW

Playing Hostess,

M

P3 Day #7:TOUCHDOWN!

I am currently sitting in my cube, doing a little endzone dance in my head. So Smooth Move paid off... not only do I feel normal again, but I lost 2lbs this morning, putting me back below my LIW by a pound. Yes. THATS how extreme it was, people. TWO POUNDS! 

A half pound more and I will be back at my lowest since HCG, since I lost 1.5lbs after my last injection. If I don't get back down there immediately, that's ok, as long as I am in this range! 

Aaaah I feel like a weight has been lifted, pun definitely intended.

I didn't go to the gym this morning, I strained my calf. It hurt yesterday and the day before, but I just pushed through it, and yesterday afternoon it was hurting pretty bad. So this morning I took a break and I already feel a bit better. I think I should be ok for tomorrow morning! 

Really, I never intended to go to the gym EVERY DAY, I only meant to go on the weekdays. I have just felt so motivated, that I'm going daily! It was nice to get a few extra hours of sleep this morning, but I did miss going for sure. Tomorrow I will be back at it :] Before I started going in the morning I only went four days a week, sometimes three, so it's quite a change!

I tried some clothes on last night from a smaller period of my life, and I'm happy to say that I could actually pull up my old size 1/2 and 3/4 pants! The 1/2s were a struggle, and even the 3/4s didn't come even CLOSE to fastening, but it was an achievement nonetheless! Hopefully after the next round I will be able to wear them. That may be stretching it though. I know those sizes sound small, but I've never been like, stick tiny. I'm just so short that I can have some meat on my bones and still fit into those sizes. So don't worry, I love (and S loves) my curves and I never want to lose them :]. Nor could I even if I wanted to, it is DEFINITELY not in my genetics to be a stick. 

Today a friend and I, A, are going out to lunch. We're going to a sub place, and I told myself earlier this week that if by today I got back under my LIW I might allow myself half of a wrap. But today is here, I'm back under LIW, and I don't really feel the need. I would much rather not compromise my success, so I will stick to a chicken caesar salad thankyouverymuch, for which I looked up all the nutrition facts online, and is well within "legal" range. 

Yesterday's exercise:

40 minutes at 3.6 on a 4.5 incline (cut short due to smooth move!)

Yesterday on my plate was:

3 deviled eggs - 150

1 small apple - 65

1.4 piece of coco crack - 55

2 deviled eggs - 100

2 pegs grapefruit - 10

1/2  of a stuffed pepper - 300

A chunk of cucumber - 15

2 large strawberries - 12

Steak with pepper jack cheese and butter sauteed onions - 400

1 deviled egg - 50

Pork rinds with sour cream - 220

A chunk of cucumber with chinese ginger spray dressing - 20

Total calories: 1397

Weight tracking:

-2lbs today

-11lbs change overall

-1lb under LIW

QB of Weight Loss *one last endzone jig*,

M

P3 Day #6.5: Jelly Belly Abstinence

That's right. No Jelly Belly sex until marriage. No exceptions, kids. Unsafe Jelly Belly mattress mambo can wind you up in diabetic hell. 

Actually, I am sitting here, listening to my co-worker pour a cupful of Jelly Bellies out of our HUGE (I mean 1-gallon milk jug huge) container of Jelly Belly sugariness sitting conveniently in the next cube over. I have absolutely no desire to join her. 

And not that "I've-just-lost-weight" high that you get where you really do want something but you're not tempted because you look fabulous... I really have no desire. I think that's a good thing. I am suspicious. 

I also heard those oh-so-familiar "Oh, yes, just a few. Always around this time of day I need a little something..." trailing off, justifying yet another day of downing a cupful of bean-shaped death. As if you're trying to explain to the person sitting next to said Jelly Bellies that you really AREN'T chunky because you willingly eat 1000 calories of pure sugar every day, but that you just have this INSATIABLE draw towards glucose at 3:45pm every weekday (and all day on weekends) that you cannot ignore, or you just may spontaneously combust. I'm not talking about this co-worker in particular, but rather ALL people. It's sort of sickening. I never tried to justify it. I take full responsibility for my sugar intake, the only thing to blame it on is my former lack of willpower.

And that's the way it REALLY is, people. 

Momentary Realist,

M

(Oh - The REAL reason I was writing this post, before I got so distracted by the sugar consumption of my co-workers, is that I decided that I will not eat coco crack [the delicious coconut bark I made] or other EVEN sugar-free sweet things unless I am AT LIW or below. The end.)

P3 Day #6: Returning to Earth

This entry talks a lot about poop (although not in great detail). You've been forewarned. 

Aaaaah I have never been so relieved to have a BM than I was this morning. Even if it cut my morning run a little bit short if you know what I mean. I officially feel back to "normal" again, whatever that is. Yes YES I have learned my lesson and I'm not doing THAT again! I swear I lost like 2lbs. I feel light as a feather!

This morning (before the gym and massive BM) I had lost another .5lb so I am creeping back down to where I was. Tomorrow morning I am SURE I will register more loss, which will be good. I'm almost positive that tomorrow morning will find me back at my LIW, if not lower, like I was before the Disaster WeekendTM. 

Ahh, sweet sweet relief.

In other news, yesterday was also the first day that I was able to eat enough to get within my range of calories needed for my basal metabolic needs, plus all the exercise I do, in order to maintain my LIW. And I still lost! I ate about 1700 calories. It seems like a lot when I look at that number, but I was actually hungry for it. I guess I *need* to eat food, or something. Imagine that! Without my exercise I need like 1300. Sometimes I have a hard time getting even that, so I am glad I am keeping track of my calories, so I ensure that I get ENOUGH! I never thought my problem would be that. I guess that goes to show why my weight has creeped up over the years... I am so afraid to eat too much that I have been under eating and screwing up my metabolism. Of course that isn't ALWAYS the case, I overate some too, but mainly I wasn't eating enough. I know that now. 

Moral of the story: Counting calories can be a royal B*TCH, but it seems like it's necessary, at least until I get a good handle on what 1400-1700 calories is just on my own. I'm measuring out all my food so I can get a good idea of what "2 tablespoons" or "150 grams" is. Health for life, woooooohoo!

Yesterday's exercise:

Ran 3 miles on a 2.5 incline at 4.0

Walked 1.4 miles with S and the puppies

Yesterday on my plate was:

Pork rinds + sour cream - 200c

1/2 Grapefruit + Splenda - 45c

1 chicken and artichoke sausage - 160c

Chunk of cucumber with ranch - 140c

Dry roasted unsalted peanuts - 100c

1 chicken artichoke sausage - 160c

Pork rinds + sour cream - 250c

3 deviled eggs - 150c

1/2 roasted stuffed pepper - 300c

tasting things while cooking :] ~ 200c

Total calories: 1750

Weight tracking:

-.5lb today

-9 change overall 

+1lb over LIW

Shrinking, Again,

M

P3 Day #5.5: She's a Brick...House

She's mighty mighty, just lettin' it all hang out. Srsly, this song IS me right now. I still feel like I have cement in my intestines and it's really quite an uncomfortable feeling. I'm taking tons of fiber pills, eating fruits and veggies, and downing more water and tea than should be humanly possible, so GET MOVIN', C'MON NAW! The top part of my abdomen is starting to feel slightly normal. I think. So we may be making progress.

On the bright side, I'm peeing every 10 minutes so hopefully I am getting rid of some of that pesky water weight that I gained on my binge royale this weekend. My rings are loose again (which I really need to get sized since my recent weight loss) so that's a good (although dangerous - I'd DIE if I lost them) sign. On Sunday when I woke up they were TIGHT(OMG). On the unpleasant side, I'm peeing every 10 minutes. The bathroom is rather far from my cube. 

S is officially off the shots too. He had his last one on Friday I do believe. He lost 10lbs in his round. Same as me. Although he ate/cheated way more. Men always have it so easy (er, easiER) with weight loss! 

I'm trying not to look forward to my next load days too much. I am not necessarily craving those things at the moment (gee, I wonder why, couldn't be because I ate enough for a family of FOUR this weekend) but there are a few things that I miss. In all reality, I'm not looking forward to them in the same way as I did my first ones. I have definitely changed my attitude about food a little bit, although not apparent by this weekend. I want a few yummy meals from some places that I adore, but I don't feel the need to, say, inhale a whole pan of brownies or anything. Progress, people, progress.

I am oh so hopeful about stepping on that scale tomorrow morning - so much so that I just want to friggin' go to bed and wake up so I can stop feeling guilty (and more importantly - overstuffed) and get on with it. I was doing so well! I always seem to sabotage myself. No more, I say, NO MORE! 

In other news... I gave all my size 7 pants away to a friend! I officially fit comfortably in 5s, and I never want to go back up again. In the past, I have always kept my larger jeans "just in case" but this time, there is no just in case. I absolutely will not allow myself to go back up. This way if I feel my pants become a bit tight, I don't have the comfy option of just "wearing the 7s for a week or so until I get a few pounds off" and then just growing into them instead. No sirree. I have to wear slightly tight pants which will further motivate me to lose that poundage QUICKLY. It's not like 10lbs just sneak up on you, I'm not going to totally muffin top it or anything... you can TELL when you have gained 2 or 3lbs by your jeans being just a tad snug. I hope to go down to a 3 after the next round :D

Solid. Like A House.

M

P3 Day #5: Forgive Me For I Have Sinned

Ooooh. Oooooohhhhh it was a baaaad weekend diet wise. Oh yes, yes my friends and faithful readers, I feel the need to confess. 

Friday was good. Friday was really good. S and I went and saw Cavalia (Cirque De Soleil with horses) and were good. No gain after that, on Saturday. We got some cashews and a hot dog which we split, sans bun or any dressings, just to get some calories in. Then we went home I made some DELICIOUS coconut bark and peanut butter fudge that I found on www.happilythinnerafter.com. SO good. I probably ate a little too much of that, and had some wine, but no change on the scale. 

Saturday I went to the gym in the morning because I was feeling motivated, and then went to Costco. Uh oh. Costco on the weekend has all sorts of delicious samples. I really didn't eat many of them at all, but the ones I did had BREAD. Delicious WHITE bread. With spinach and artichoke dip on it. *drools* 

But I limited myself. I got what I needed and went home. We were having a barbecue. So I made my OWN spinach and artichoke dip (P3 legal of course) which was amazing, and a huge hit. I probably ate too much of that, with pork rinds as my vehicle, so I didn't eat any chips. I didn't really eat much non P3 legal stuff, I just ate a LOT. I had chicken, and a part of a sausage, coco crack, P3-legal pb fudge, guacamole (again with pork rinds, not chips) 3 or 4 glasses of wine...and THEN a small tortilla *gasp* (with carne asada, lettuce, tomato, sour cream and cheese...). But only one, and it was small. Still, doesn't matter because on Sunday...

I HAD A 4 POUND GAIN!

I'll say it again for additional humiliation

I HAD A 4 POUND GAIN!

There. I said it. I was contemplating not telling you, but that would really not do me any good. Seriously, when I woke up on Sunday, I felt like I had eaten an entire brick house. There was still food in my stomach! Not to mention I was bloated from wine, and not enough water. So all that combined led to my extreme gain. 

Sunday morning I went on a pretty strenuous hike with T, so I felt a little better after that. Then I drank some smooth move (which has still not fully taken effect). 

I STILL feel like I have cement in my intestines. I ate literally 1 chicken sausage, half of a grapefruit and a banana on Sunday. I wasn't even hungry for THOSE, but I needed to eat something before my hike (banana) and afterwards (sausage) and then at 8pm I had the half of a grapefruit. I probably had 300 calories yesterday. I'm STILL not hungry.

So I ate more than I should have, but I didn't eat a lot for my old ways of eating. Not enough to warrant this kind of intestinal disruption anyways. I guess my body just isn't used to putting it away anymore.

Anyhoo, this morning before the gym I was back down 1lb from where I was yesterday, and I expect more tomorrow after smooth move helps me regain normality, and I increase my water intake now that I have marginal room in my stomach to PUT water. 

I feel so ashamed. I mean I know it's just "food sitting in my intestines" weight, along with water weight from HAVING so much food in my intestines and not drinking enough, but still. To see that 4lb gain I was pretty mortified! But I am back within my 2lb of LIW range so I shouldn't cry too much. I just won't ever do THAT again. 

Anyhoo, I am going to eat extremely "clean" until I at least get back down to LIW (hopefully tomorrow) and preferably back UNDER it so I have some "wiggle" room. I am still going to the gym every day in the morning, so that helps as well.

Yesterday's exercise:

Strenuous hike with T (1 hour 45 min?)

Yesterday on my plate was:

1 banana - 90c

1 chicken sausage with artichoke and garlic - 160c

1/2 of a grapefruit with Splenda - 45c

Total calories: 295 (read: and not hungry b/c still full from the day before - UGH!)

Weight tracking:

-1lb today

-8.5lb change overall

+1.5lb over LIW

Shame, OH THE SHAME,

M