... and the scale.
So this past weekend we went to Strawberry again, as planned. Remember last time, how I was so good and resisted everything and just ate my chicken and apple and was SO worried because I ate AN EXTRA APPLE to help my blood sugar level late at night?
Well that happened again, without the being good part. Or the extra apple part. And add in a burrito and cheesecake and peanuts and pretzel crisps and steak and grapefruits and wine. Lots of wine. Over a period of a day and a half.
So Friday on our way to Strawberry, about halfway through the day I was having "oh just a bite" here and there, which I have NEVER done before. A cashew or two. A bite of H's ice cream. A sip of S's shake. Then later in the night after a few glasses of wine (which doesn't inhibit my weight loss - but DOES inhibit my BRAIN) I totally cracked. Threw all caution to the wind.
All of Saturday I ate whatever.
Sunday I finally put myself in check and said NO MORE! So I was good all of Sunday, and today has been 100% clean as well.
I don't know WHAT I was thinking! Actually, I do. I was weak minded. I thought that enjoying delicious foods with my husband and friends would be worth the major cheat that I was committing. Erasing the weight loss I have achieved on this round so far? No problem! No big deal! Right?
WHAT?! No! NO! NOOOOOOOO!
I gained 3.5lbs. It is a sad sad day in M land. But more than sad about the weight gain, (I feel that I deserve 3.5lbs at LEAST), I am sad at myself for being so weak.
One of the worst parts? I was down another 2lbs on Friday! Putting my net loss this round at 2.5lbs (since we know I don't count load weight) and my net loss for hCG at 13lbs. I was at 130 on Friday, and was looking forward to coming back from the weekend in the 120's and having another naked-on-the-scale-celebratory dance.
UGH! UGH UGH UGH!
So I'm not up above my load weight, but I'm .5lb above my LIW for last round, and 1lb above my pre-load weight this round.
I certainly learned my lesson though. It is NOT worth it. AT ALL. When I woke up on Sunday morning I immediately felt so guilty. I knew that I would be feeling completely different had I stayed strong all weekend. I would be looking forward to stepping on the scale on Monday to see what my hard work earned me. But instead I just had a gut full of half-digested cheat food that I no longer appreciated and angry masses (thats you guys) to report to today.
*shame*
Please don't throw the rocks too hard, I learned my lesson I promise :[
Chain Chain Chaaaaiiinnn... Chain of Fooools,
M
Oh. My GOD, M. NO ONE is going to throw ROCKS at you!! LMAO OK, not funny, but seriously you're beating yourself too hard over this.
ReplyDeleteYou deviated. I deviated. It looks like others did this weekend as well. Do you know who suffers? Only ourselves. Shame and regret are WASTED, honey. Look back, understand what happened and why you did it and MOVE ON!
Clear your mind, stop stressing (which will ONLY impede your progress more), forgive yourSELF for thy transgressions and let the protocol start to work for you again. Are you scared that since you're at such a low weight it couldn't possibly work any more and you're just going to be stuck with that little extra fat that's there because you haven't been this weight in a long time and maybe you don't deserve to be any skinnier?
Ha! Maybe not, but that's my problem. Talk about projection! LOL You're going to do fine, this round IS going to work for you and you ARE going to hit your goal. You are. Let's succeed together, k?
HA! What Amie said, your being WAY too hard on yourself, really. Move on sweets! LEARN from this and go on to bigger and better things. Realize WHY and then you will be triumphant!!!
ReplyDeleteAnd girl, the strong ones admit their mistakes - so look at you! You make me all goosepimply inside.